Extreme Makeover House MD Edition
by emilia7
Summary: House has a plan to show Cuddy the reality behind her relationship with Lucas. He wants to make her see that Lucas is just his replacement and to do that he'll slowly transform Lucas into him.
1. Chapter 1

House is sitting in his car thinking about his last session with Nolan. That's right his last session because he was sure as hell never going back!

All this time! All that work for nothing! What did he have now? What was better now than when he was on vicodin? House thought. He was still miserable, even more miserable than before, because at least back then he could blame it on the drug, on his behavior towards others…but now he was trying to be different, he tried to change, but nobody cared about that. Wilson had completely forgotten about him because of Sam. Cuddy was with Lucas! God! If he had known that she had such low standards, he would have told her that he loved her a long time ago. But, he though that she deserved someone better than him. Someone who was smart, successful, responsible. Not a midget. Not a loser like Lucas.

The only reason he had hired him in the first place was because Lucas was cheap and stupid and that combination meant that he could always have a lot of fun at his expense. Sure, Lucas got him the information that he needed most of the time but he was a mediocre detective. Lucas wasn't a genius like him. Still Cuddy didn't seem to care. She didn't see Lucas for what he was. Now that he thought about that he realized that she had settled for a cheap copy of him. Lucas was blunt like him; he always said the first thing that came to his mind, like when he "accidentally" mentioned his hallucination with Cuddy at the conference. Lucas was also manipulative and his job required him to sneak in to other people's lives, like he did with his patients, except House did it to save their lives. But, the most important thing of all, House thought, was that Lucas had no moral boundaries. He got those notes from Sam's psychiatrist and although he said he didn't read them…he still stole them and the pranks…yes the pranks! Lucas has tried to hurt him. He had tripped him. Well, they always go for the physical because obviously they can't match me intellectually, House though. After all Cuddy had tripped him once too so…

House hit the steering wheel and started thinking about Cuddy. He had tried to move on, tried not interfere in her life, tried not to go back to his old habits following Nolan's stupid advice. But, Nolan was right about one thing this was about Cuddy. He needed to be with her. He just couldn't stand aside anymore and this time he was going to do it his way. He was going to show her that she was still in love with. That Lucas was just a replacement.

Suddenly House's cell phone rings. House looks at the caller id. It's Lucas.

Lucas: Hey, House how is it going? You think you can help me out one more time with an assignment I got?

House pauses to think for a moment. A smile forms in his face and his eyes begin to glimmer, as he suddenly comes up with a plan.

House: Yeah sure…I'll wait for you at my place.

House closes his cell phone and opens the car door. He had to hurry and get the things he needed before Lucas arrived.

**The Stake Out**

House is sitting silently inside Lucas's car. They are staking out a house a couple of yards away. Lucas is holding a pair of spyglasses in his eyes and pointing to the main window of the house.

Lucas: There he is. Look!

Before he can pass the spyglasses to House we see a syringe being injected in his neck. Lucas turns to House stunned and loses consciousness. House smiles.

House: It's ok Lucas.

House catches Lucas´s head before it hits the steering wheel and lays him down gently. Then he takes out something from his backpack. As he raises it and turns it on we can see it's an electric razor.

House: Time for Extreme Makeover House´s Edition!

**Next morning****/Cuddy's House**

Cuddy is putting Rachel on her stool before giving her breakfast when she hear's the door bell.

Cuddy: I hope is your nanny so I can finish getting dressed…

Cuddy walks to the door and opens it thinking it's Rachel's nanny but instead she finds Lucas at the door. She suddenly sees his head.

Lucas: Hey…

Cuddy: Lucas…Did you cut your hair?

Lucas raises a hand and touches his head. He has a buzz cut just like House. Cuddy can't stop staring at Lucas head as he enters her home.

Lucas (angry): It was that maniac!

Cuddy: What are you talking about?

Lucas: It was House! I called him last night to ask for a consult and he drugged me and when I woke up he had done this to me!

Cuddy: Why would he do that?

Lucas: I don't know ok…I just want to change. I have hair all over my shirt.

I told you not to mess with him for stealing the appartment, Cuddy yells at Lucas as he enters the bathroom. Cuddy stays standing in the room unable to believe what just happened. Was House insane? Why would he do that to Lucas?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

**Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital**

House slowly entered the hospital lobby. He looked around to see if Cuddy was hiding somewhere ready to ambush him. Once he saw that the coast was clear he headed straight for the elevator. He pushed the call button anxiously and the doors opened right away. He got in quickly and just as the doors were closing a hand stopped them. Cuddy's form appeared as the elevator doors retracted. House looked at her like a kid who got caught doing something bad by his mom. The doors closed behind Cuddy and the two were left alone in the elevator. Her eyes showed anger.

**Cuddy:** WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING HOUSE?

**House:** mmm…to have some fun, which is basically the reason behind most of my actions. But you know that already so…

**Cuddy: **You drugged Lucas and shaved his head!

**House:** What is he Samson or something? Although he did look kind of funny afterwards

**Cuddy**: I just want to understand why you would cut somebody's hair?

**House: **I'm just trying to probe a point.

**Cuddy:** Which is….?

**House:** That you're still in love with me and Lucas is just a replacement. When I was in Mayfield you got scared so you started a relationship with him to fill that void. It makes perfect sense. He's blunt, manipulative, and amoral. Oh my God! You're dating a psychopath!

**Cuddy: **He's not a psychopath! You're the psychopath who goes out and drugs people!

**House: **Face it! You're dating me Cuddy. He's just a lesser, mediocre version of me! I thought the haircut might make you see it, but it appears that you need a little more visual aid to understand, but don't worry I got that covered.

**Cuddy:** House I don't know what you're planning but I want it to stop. I'm with Lucas now…

**House:** Even with the haircut…?

**Cuddy:** I'm with Lucas now House so please just let me be happy.

**House: **I just can't believe this. I can't believe that now that I'm better. Now that I'm not an addict anymore. Now that we can finally be together you're fixated on dating that loser and you don't even see that he's just a cheap version of me. So I'll show you

House looked down at his bad leg and exited the elevator. Cuddy just stared at him puzzled.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

**Downtown/Private office**

House is sitting at a table facing a young woman and a man dressed in a suit. Through the suit we can see that they are both fit. They look serious, like real detectives. They're professionals who work for a private firm that House has hired.

**House:** Ok so here's the plan your wife or "pretended wife" is going to call detective Lucas and ask him to spy on you. To see if you're cheating on her. What I want you to do is act as if you caught him spying on you, chase him and then hit him in the right knee. Don't worry you'll catch up to him he's just a loser. Remember the right knee. Not hard enough to break it, but hard enough to injure it and make it swell.

**Man: **Got it!

**House: **He's not stupid so you'll have to stage it first. Maybe get a girl to be with you in the apartment so that he thinks it's real.

**Woman: **Don't worry Dr. House we are proffesionals.

**House:** Ok and let me know when it's done so I can send him a little present.


	4. Chapter 4

Cuddy`s House

The door bell rang several times. Cuddy hurried to the door. It was Lucas. He was standing there holding his right knee with an expression on pain drawn across his face.

Cuddy: Lucas...what happened?

Lucas entered limping in to living room and sat on the couch.

Lucas: Some crazy guy I was spying while he was cheating on his wife, saw me and hit me on the leg before he took my camera. I don´t think it´s broken but it hurts like hell...

Cuddy: Let me see.

Lucas dropped his pants. His knee was purple and badly swollen. Cuddy examined it.

Cuddy: Yeah it looks like there`s no fracture but maybe we should go to the hospital to get it checked.

The door bell rang again. Cuddy got up and opened the door. There was a delivery man with a package.

Delivery man: Mr. Lucas Douglas?

Cuddy: Yeah he`s here but he´s injured so he can´t come to the door. I´ll take it.

Lucas started limping to the door. He looked at the package

Lucas: What is it?

Cuddy finished signing for the package.

Delivery man: Thank you, here you go.

The delivery man extended a rectangular box to Cuddy. Lucas was standing next to her anxious to see what it was. She took the package and started opening it as she closed the door and entered the house. Inside the box was a wooden cane with a card attached to it. Cuddy read the card:

_It´s not as cool as mine but I_ _thought you might need it_

House


End file.
